Living With Endometriosis

I’m gonna be real for a minute because I know I’m not alone in this experience.
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This has not been a good few months for me. Ovarian cysts and breast masses mean 2 surgeries within 3 weeks of each other: 1. laparoscopy to remove a large cyst, an ovary, a Fallopian tube, and determine if I have endometriosis, 2. a lumpectomy to make sure the breast mass (a benign papilloma) and the tissue surrounding it are completely benign.
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Three days ago I had my first of the 2 surgeries. Turns out I have “extensive endometriosis everywhere.” My surgeon said it’s a miracle we were ever able to have our children because I’ve probably had endometriosis for decades. My ovaries had grown together and most of my organs are adhered to each other because of the growth. She couldn’t remove any of the growth because the endometriosis is too severe.
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I don’t think I’ve really let that sink in.
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All those times someone minimized my pain each month or questioned why I let my periods sideline me so often, they were wrong. All those times I beat myself up for being a baby when it came to pain, I was wrong. Endometriosis was slowly spreading across my organs.
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I probably “should” be feeling grateful, lucky, and hopeful. Afterall, I finally have answers and a plan that may buy me a few more years before I need a complete hysterectomy.
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The truth is, though, I’m in pain and I’m frustrated with my body and myself.
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I wanted to be back to work seeing patients today.
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I wanted to be able to easily carry on with my weekend activities this weekend.
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I did not allow myself to even consider the possibility that I would still be in pain 3 days post-op. The fact that I feel pain when I move makes me feel like a failure.
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Negative self-talk.
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I help my patients identify it in themselves and yet here I sit, ice pack strapped to my waist, prescribed painkillers on board, beating myself up for being human and needing time to heal.
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Recovery is not a race. We need to listen to our bodies and our guts.
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Right now mine is saying “Ouch. Slow down.”
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Is yours sending you a message that you are ignoring too? Maybe it’s time we listen...