 What are you saying to yourself without even knowing?
⠀⠀ I explore this concept a lot with my patients when I first meet them and they almost always deny that they do it. But, then we get to talking and I start to hear them say things like: ⠀⠀ “I’m so crazy.” ⠀⠀ “I don’t know why I do this to myself.” ⠀⠀ “Ugh. I was so stupid.” ⠀⠀ “I’m so pathetic.” ⠀⠀ Each time it happens, I encourage them to lean into it, to turn that inner negative voice up for a week and really listen for it — not to believe it-but to understand where and when it comes into play. ⠀⠀ Most times, they are shocked to then find that they have a pretty constant loop of negative self-talk running through their heads almost everyday. ⠀⠀ The first step in stopping that loop is to identify it. ⠀⠀ Do you have one? ⠀⠀ Listen to your thoughts next time you find yourself beating yourself up. ⠀⠀ Would you say something like that to a friend? ⠀⠀ Probably not. ⠀⠀ So, why is it ok to be so mean to yourself? ⠀⠀ Whenever you catch yourself doing it, counter that negative thought with a positive one. ⠀⠀ Stop abusing yourself and start loving yourself.
0 Comments
 Photo by Pexels on Pixabay Last week I overheard someone telling a friend that they have a "surprise day off tomorrow."
Apparently they requested the day off from work a while ago but can't remember why. So, it's just a surprise day for themselves. A blank day in their daily planner. It got me thinking about how we all could benefit from a surprise day off from whatever stressors and responsibilities are filling our days right now. So, why not make it happen? I can already hear you starting to list a million reasons why not to make it happen but what about all the reasons to try to make it a reality? Take some time and pick a day on the calendar that looks at least sort of open and schedule yourself off from whatever you are typically doing. Go ahead and label it "surprise day off." Give yourself a blank page in your agenda that day. Don't fill it with work or chores or caring for others. Leave it open for yourself. Maybe you could go for a long drive alone. Maybe you could have lunch with a friend. Maybe you could sleep in. Maybe you could do something that you find fun. It doesn't matter as long as it is something for you. And if you can’t swing a whole day off, aim for a half-day or even an hour. Just schedule some time off - even if it takes 6 months to make it happen. Go make it happen. Ask for help from your support network if you need help with covering your responsibilities. Maybe you could even offer to cover for them on their own surprise day off! I promise you that when that "surprise day off" comes around, you'll be so glad you scheduled it for yourself. ****** (Follow Changing Perspectives on Facebook for more supportive content.) Photo by Pexels on Pixabay Last week I overheard someone telling a friend that they have a “surprise day off tomorrow.” Apparently they requested the day off from work a while ago but can’t remember why. So, it’s just a surprise day for themselves.
A blank day in their daily planner. It got me thinking about how we all could benefit from a surprise day off from whatever stressors and responsibilities are filling our days right now. So, why not make it happen? I can already hear you starting to list a million reasons why not to make it happen but what about all the reasons to try to make it a reality? Take some time and pick a day on the calendar that looks at least sort of open and schedule yourself off from whatever you are typically doing. Go ahead and label it “surprise day off.” Give yourself a blank page in your agenda that day. Don’t fill it with work or chores or caring for others. Leave it open for yourself. Maybe you could go for a long drive alone. Maybe you could have lunch with a friend. Maybe you could sleep in. Maybe you could do something that you find fun. It doesn’t matter as long as it is something for you. And if you can’t swing a whole day off, aim for a half-day or even an hour. Just schedule some time off — even if it takes 6 months to make it happen. Go make it happen. Ask for help from your support network if you need help with covering your responsibilities. Maybe you could even offer to cover for them on their own surprise day off! I promise you that when that “surprise day off” comes around, you’ll be so glad you scheduled it for yourself. (Read Changing Perspectives on Facebook)  Last night I lost it.
I was too tired because I didn’t sleep enough. I was too hungry because I didn’t eat enough. I was too sore after an injury because I didn’t rest enough. I hadn’t done enough. And so, I wasn’t enough. I wasn’t patient enough. I wasn’t understanding enough. I wasn’t trusting enough. I lost it. Tears over nothing. Tears over everything. It may have seemed like it came from nowhere but it came from everywhere. That’s what happens when we don’t give ourselves enough. And the truth is, when we don’t give ourselves enough, we aren’t able to give anyone else enough. Don’t forget to focus on doing enough for yourself. Sometimes that might mean you need to focus on doing less for others. Find the space between selfishness and selflessness and live there. Give yourself enough so you can be enough. (Follow Changing Perspectives on Facebook)  Today was one of those days.
You know what I mean when I say "those days" because we all have them. Those days are the worst. Today was filled with dogs who found some sort of exciting thing in our fenced-in backyard and did not want to come inside, leaving me schlepping around my backyard in my pjs with a container of deli meat trying to reason with an 8 year old stubborn pup. Today was filled with ransacking the laundry room to find the game jersey that had to be worn to school today - only to realize that it had been left in the other parent's vehicle and was nowhere near us. Today was filled with my freshly washed favorite post-workout hoodie smelling like old cooked food when I pulled it out of my bag, rendering it useless. Today was filled with finding evidence of mice in my kitchen as I was rushing to prepare a birthday cake. Today was filled with yet another Facebook Marketplace buyer backing out last minute. Today was filled with still not knowing what time my son's practice is ending today and scrambling to arrange a pick up that would not interfere with our work schedules. All of this was before 10am. Naturally I felt all of the feelings. I wanted to scream into my pillow. I wanted to cry out of frustsration. I wanted to send angry messages. I wanted to cancel my patients and crawl back into bed. But, instead, I took 3 deep breaths and considered how I could reframe my morning. Sure, my morning was filled with all of the things that make up one of "those days." But, it was also filled with so much more. It was filled with trashcans already at the curb, placed there lovingly by my husband before he left for work. It was filled with an adventurous pup who just a few months ago had a cancer diagnosis and might not have been here right now were it not for his great doctor. It was filled with the knowledge that tomorrow we get to celebrate a birthday with my favorite people in the whole world - people who love my boys with all their heart. It was filled with back to back appointments with patients who show up regularly for their therapy appointments and commit to the hard work of self discovery and growth. It was filled with reassuring phone calls from my husband with a plan for our new little mice friends. It was filled with check-ins from good friends who make it a point to just reach out and say hi. For all the annoying parts that made this morning one of “those days,” there were even more parts that made it a good day. Listen, I’m not someone who believes in “choosing happiness” or not allowing yourself to feel the crappy feelings. When you have a morning like I did today, it’s completely normal and acceptable to feel all the feelings about it. But then we have to look for the good parts. Even if they are hard to find. Even if there aren’t a lot of them. I promise there are always some good parts. There is always some glimmer of hope to hold on to. Let those good parts be what defines your day, not the other things. So, yes, today was one of “those days” - those days where lots of stuff went wrong. But it was also one of “those days” - those days where I get to count my blessings and lean in to all the glimmers of hope.  This weekend I didn’t want to go anywhere.
I turned down invites from friends and turned inward instead. I sat on my couch, wrapped in my soft blanket and just felt my feelings. I laughed. I cried. I sat in silence. I binge watched a new series. I drank homemade margaritas and let myself eat extra toasty cheez-its. I didn’t count calories, worry about miles on my spin bike, or focus on the number on the scale. I let myself be loved and seen and let myself just be in the moment. No right. No wrong. No rules. I just lived in the moment and let myself be. And by the end of the weekend, my spirits had lifted and I felt freed from the heaviness that had weighed me down. I was able to peel off the blanket and step back into the world, refreshed and hopeful. If you need to take some time to stop and just be, do it. Find a way to let go of the things weighing you down at least for a few moments. The scale can wait. The gym can wait. The dishes can wait. The vacuuming can wait. But how much longer can you wait?  Beep beep!
It’s your struggle bus captain checking in again. This week I am 4 weeks post surgery and when the doctor told me the hormones would be awful for up to 4-8 weeks, he wasn’t lying. Yesterday I had a mini panic attack because the football stadium seats felt too steep and I was afraid I would topple to my death. Then I cried because my freshman’s football coach sent a text for everyone to meet for dinner and it felt so nice to see something so normal. And then an hour later I was filled with so much rage that I wanted to find a total stranger that was trolling online and give her a piece of my mind. Seriously. Then I ate chocolate. And cried some more. And picked a fight with my husband. And cried about what a terrible person I am and how my face is full of acne. Whew! How many of you can relate to days like that? The truth is - days like this can happen to all of us - even without crazy hormones. Whenever we start to listen to all the negative thoughts in our head, it’s easy for all our good self-care practices to simply fade away. self-doubt inner criticism imposter syndrome guilt shame They really don’t do us any good. Ever. So, anyways, I’m here to say that sometimes some days and some weeks just don’t go the way you want them. It’s ok. Let yourself feel your feelings. Sometimes it’s really ok to cry and eat the chocolate and fantasize about what you want to say to the internet trolls. But then take time to center yourself. Reset. Remember who you are at your core. Keep moving forward because you deserve the life you want. And on the really hard days, don’t forget to pick your head up and look around. You aren’t the only one on the struggle bus. There’s lots of us here with you - reach out when you need support. Beep beep! See Less  (Photo by Suzy Hazelwood on Pexels) As a therapist, I talk with patients every day about developing coping tools and strategies to help them better manage anxiety. Things like deep breathing, challenging faulty thinking, and building self care strategies are often what we focus on in sessions but there are some products that are widely available via online in in person retailers that people should also consider adding to their anxiety tool kit. Here are 7 must-haves* for anyone with anxiety and since each of these tools has a variety of options and price point, you can totally individualize each option! 1. Weighted Blanket  Are you someone who likes a good hug or snuggling up under a warm blanket? Do you feel better when you can sit somewhere that makes you feel safe and secure? A weighted blanket provides all of those physical sensations. I first used weighted blankets over 25 years ago when I worked with children who had sensory processing difficulty. The blankets were heavier than your normal blanket and would help calm them and make them feel safe. I soon learned that they also worked for me, giving me an instant feeling of calmness even from holding the blanket on my lap. Today, weighted blankets are available in a variety of sizes from lap blankets to king size blankets and in a wide variety of weights. I promise you, a weighted blanket will quickly become your favorite item to turn to when feeling anxious and overwhelmed. 2. Essential Oils  I use essential oils all the time in my home and in my office. When it comes to anxiety relief, there are essential oil blends specifically formulated to reduce stress, improve relaxation, and help you to calm your mind. You can use some of these oils topically (mix them with a carrier oil first such as almond oil) or even ingested. I prefer to diffuse a few drops of them in an essential oil diffuser. Just a few drops will help to ease any stress and anxiety you or your family may be feeling and it will leave the air smelling fresh! 3. Workbooks and Journals  If you are self-motivated, workbooks and journals can be a great tool to use to help you gain insight into the root causes of your anxiety. You can set some time aside each morning or evening to review a section and complete some of the worksheets included. Although not a replacement for one on one counseling, workbooks and journals like the ones below can be an excellent way to help you start to gain control of your anxious feelings. 4. Zen Garden  If you have ever seen these tabletop Zen Gardens, you know how calming it can be to allow yourself to do nothing but rake the sand and lay out the decorative rocks. Adding one of these to your desk at work or to a tablespace at home will provide you with a daily reminder to slow down and breathe. 5. At Home Fitness  One of the most effective ways to combat anxiety is to find a way to release some of the pent-up anxious energy. Exercise is a perfect way to do this. If you don’t have time or the funds to go to a gym, there are lots of ways that you can work out right in your own home. Cardio has a lot of benefits when it comes to anxiety management so a simple home exercise machine like a rower or a stationary bike can be a good addition to your routine. You can get one delivered to your door for less than $250. That’s a small price to pay for some anxiety relief coupled with physical fitness. 6. Grown Up Coloring Books  There is something very calming and relaxing about coloring an intricately designed picture. I’m not talking about cartoon character coloring books like we had when we were young. These coloring book options for adults are meant to take some time and are even more enjoyable when done with a set of good quality thin tip markers or colored pencils. This is an activity you can do with others too. So, grab a few friends, put out some refreshments and get your coloring on! Watch as your anxiety starts to drift away. 7. Bath Bombs  You either are a bath person or you’ve never actually had a good bath. A nice hot bath at the end of a long day can be a great way to quiet your mind and increase your relaxation. Bath bombs can make the experience even more beneficial by adding some calming fragrance and skin softening properties to the water. Don’t like bath bombs? Try bath salts or take a bubble bath. No matter how you prefer your bath, make some time to pause from your daily hustle to slow down and relax.
Wouldn’t it be great to feel like you have a bit of a better handle on your anxiety? Can you imagine your life without the weight of anxiety always looming over it? Isn’t it time to add to your anxiety management tool kit? Go ahead and invest in yourself! *Some of these links are considered “affiliate links,” meaning if you click through these links to make a purchase, I might earn a small commission. Keep in mind that I link these companies and these products because of their quality and not because of the commission I receive from your purchases. All of these are products that I have used personally or professionally and many have also been successfully used by my clients and colleagues.  You know those days that just don’t go right?
Days where you sleep later than you planned. Days where you can’t outrun the dark cloud following you around. Days where you spill your entire protein shake and then your giant glass of water all over your rug 4 minutes before a work meeting. Days where you stub your toe while rushing down the hallway. Days where you accidentally forget to pay a bill, return an important call, or miss a text message. Days where the brand new rug cleaner stops working. Days where everything annoys you and nothing feels right. Sometimes you can reframe it all. Sometimes you can laugh it off. Sometimes you can take a deep breath and reset. Sometimes you just can’t. Sometimes some days are just not meant to be great or even good days. On those days, pour yourself a hot cup of tea (be careful you don’t spill it on yourself), soak in a hot bath, or leaf through a light and airy magazine. Give yourself a break and cut yourself some slack. Then go to bed. Trust that tomorrow is a new day. You can try it all again tomorrow. I know I will.  My therapy sessions with my patients have grown heavy once again — especially for my patients that work in healthcare.
Day after day they share, with tear filled eyes, their overwhelming fatigue. They stare blankly ahead at the telehealth screen as they describe lying awake night after night, too exhausted and overwhelmed to find sleep. Each patient and their story is different but the common theme is the same — burnout. Complete and total burnout. So many question their career choice — for many of them have felt failed by their employers. So many question their own humanity — for they now dread going to work and being around people. So many question their future — for the passion that they once felt for their work is now nowhere to be found. Like so many of us they are crawling, bruised and broken, toward some nebulous finish line on the horizon. Sometimes as we near the end of a session, they will stop me and ask me if I am doing ok. “How are YOU managing it all?” They are caregivers by nature and struggle to keep the focus on themselves-even during their own therapy session. But I think they are mostly looking for signs of hope. Hope is what is missing most now. Hope is what is needed most now. In times of great sorrow, loss, and tragedy it is hope that keeps us tethered to our life and to each other. Hope that something and someone can be consistent. Hope for brighter days. Hope for rest. Hope for passions to be reborn. Hope to enjoy the world again. Hope to make it to tomorrow. As you crawl toward the finish line right now, find hope. Find it anywhere you can. And hold onto it. |
Mental healthNow, more than ever, we all need a little support to help get us through the rough spots. With all the pressures of life, it can be a challenge to find time to not only take care of yourself but also to truly understand who you even are anymore. Archives
July 2023
Categories
All
|
RSS Feed
